I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
did i walk over a car last night?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize