How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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