so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
