Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
