K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
