just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
