i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
