So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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