I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
