I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm always down for nudity.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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