It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
