You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
