Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
