This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
