Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
