I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
