you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
