how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
