my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
