Plan B is the new Plan A
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
