Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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