I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
