I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
