im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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