i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my shit smells like andre
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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