I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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