if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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