My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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