Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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