Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
