Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
