If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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