i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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