She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize