drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize