I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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