The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
