I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
