and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize