someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
