How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
