I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
organizing the empties. That sober.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
