You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
