I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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