I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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