I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can't turn off my feet"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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