i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
