It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just found puke in my bra..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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