This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just found puke in my bra..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
