what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize