You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
