Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
