We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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