Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
