this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
