I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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