She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
