hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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