I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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