dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
