you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
