You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
