I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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