very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This is the high leading the old right now
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
