i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
