Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
