Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
