Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
