He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
