shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
