he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
