i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
