The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
