Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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