yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
