just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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