Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
