I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Congratulations! We have a period
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