Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
