New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
