Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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