Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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