you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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