I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
