Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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