Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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