chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize