i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
