Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
