How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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