**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
