Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize