he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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