we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
