She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
