her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
