remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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