kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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