I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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