I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
