If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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