yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
