So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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