When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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