dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
