If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
