if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
