Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
